he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
