I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
