I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
