i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
