I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
