Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
