The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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