i may or may not be watching the land before time
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There are leaves in my underwear?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
