Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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