ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
