my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
