Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
