and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
