i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Found the puke drawer
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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