The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
