Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
