Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
