Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
