dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
