I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
