Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
