hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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