It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize