Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
