note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
