whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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