dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
