You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i love accidental penises.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I could fuck to npr.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
