My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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