Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
