Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
