There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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