of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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