Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize