i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
