We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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