he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
