shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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