here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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