We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
