...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize