Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
