This is not my ceiling
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
