Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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