gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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