I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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