Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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