I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
