Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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