god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
