guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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