I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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