textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
