i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
