You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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