Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
