Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize