Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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