the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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