i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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