Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize