Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
